Simply Sabrina

Musings, Insights, and Inspiration

Every Square Inch of My Grand Am is Filled

Every square inch of my new 1988 Pontiac Grand Am is filled, but  somehow a little disappointment and shame managed to squeeze in.

Thankfully, relief found some space as well. It definitely holds more than the Celica would have and it’s more practical. 

That’s what I need right now, practical.

I am happy that my life-long wish to live in Colorado is coming true.

I’m even happier my baby will be a native.

I’ve only made three payments on this car; the ink was still drying on the GMC first-time buyer’s paperwork my Dad co-signed when I found out I was pregnant.

I waited until we dropped him off at the airport before sharing my suspicion with my Mom. 

She promptly bought a pregnancy test.

It took forever for the next morning to arrive, all the while my Mom assuring me that while they would be disappointed, I had their support.

During my weekend home, no one had suspected anything. I was still holding out hope my period would start. My grandmother did slip me a crisp new hundred-dollar bill to be sure I got something to eat over her concern for how thin I was.

I had dropped a few pounds, but it wasn’t from lack of food, but rather a loss of appetite due to nausea in recent weeks.

The blue double-line appeared on the stick. I had the next six hours to decide how I was going to break the news to the father.

Father!? Neither of us was prepared or ready to be parents, him less so.

My family, but especially my father, was against us moving to Minnesota after I graduated. He didn’t approve of us living together, but I did move out due to our constant fighting, but living apart didn’t prevent me from getting knocked up.

Our relationship isn’t stable, but we do love each other.

Is that enough to raise a baby?

We did all the “right” things. He proposed, I moved back in with him, and we set a date. My closest friend, who offered to host the wedding in her backyard, also imparted her middle-aged wisdom that: This is the 80’s! You no longer have to get married just because you’re pregnant.

I called off the wedding and took my parents up on their offer.

It’s funny how my father wasn’t going to be able to attend the wedding due to a conflict with work, but he had no problem driving his truck in to pick up a load of my belongings last weekend before flying in to Minneapolis this weekend to drive me and the rest of my stuff to Colorado.

It nearly broke my heart to imagine my daddy not giving me away. Him not being able to attend the wedding was his way of showing his disapproval.

Who can blame him? After all, he was the one dealing with the repercussions of my toxic relationship in more ways than financially.

The partying continued, only I no longer participated.

I spent the 4th of July alone. Crying in our apartment, while he went to a party with friends. I was pretty sure he was hooking up with another girl. A girl who had been to our apartment on more than one occasion.

It wouldn’t be the first ‘friend’ he slept with.

Even the Grand Am isn’t without its scars. 

With its passenger window broken out and the rear passenger tire shredded when I drove through the glass attempting to get away from my boyfriend’s drunken anger.

I haven’t been this far west in Nebraska before and the last time I was here was for a wedding in Omaha. My Celica got hit in the hotel parking lot. It would be much later before my boyfriend confessed to actually wrecking it into a light pole after the bachelor party.

The mountains are coming into view.

I brush my tongue across my lower teeth. My chipped tooth, compliments of a swift backhand, serves as a reminder of what I am leaving behind along with my beloved 45-record collection that didn’t fit.

My boyfriend was none too pleased when he read my letter to a friend telling her about my transgression with Rod Hart, one of the dancers from the U.S. Male show.

 

Rod (L) was intelligent, kind, and we locked eyes the moment he stepped on stage! He called a few weeks later from the road. Who knows what would have been possible, if the timing were different.
Rod, with his bulging bronzed muscles, pearly white teeth, and perfectly coiffed hair with appropriate height and length for the time, was the polar opposite of my boyfriend. Hair excluded.

It’s a good thing I had my period the night we met, otherwise I might be wondering if this is his child. The Playgirl magazine Rod’s featured in did fit.

My parents were right, if I was going to keep this baby, I needed to give this little one, us, the best possible chance to be happy and healthy.

After all, we’re past the point of no return.

I had elected to disregard my doctor’s advice to have an abortion over concern of the possible birth defects associated with being on the pill while pregnant. Although I’m sure he was taking my unmarried 19-year-old status and no nearby family into consideration as well. I somehow felt that if there were any issue, I would miscarry. If not, I was meant to have it. Regardless, I am grateful I was given a choice.

I’m excited to join them in their new home near Denver where my dad has been commuting for work with Continental Airlines for the past five years. My mom and younger brother recently moved there after having sold our family home in Kansas. A lot has happened in the three months since I bought this car.

I don’t know what the future holds for me and my baby, but I do know we have the safe, loving support we need right now.

Domestic Violence Hotline

If you or a loved one needs help,

Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233;

or search your local options if it’s safe to use Internet.

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Are Your Needs a Priority?

Are your needs a priority or has your To-Do list and meeting the needs of others left yours unattended? Sabrina Fritts shares how a recent experience caused her to not only set clear boundaries but actually enforce them and the results are nothing short of magical.

Comment below or reach out and share how you have set boundaries and released that which is no longer serving you.

[podbean resource=”episode=vjien-83cd47″ type=”audio-rectangle” height=”100″ skin=”1″ btn-skin=”105″ share=”1″ fonts=”Helvetica” auto=”0″ download=”0″ rtl=”0″]

What Brings You Joy?

A Joy List can be your saving grace. Many argue there isn’t enough time to get everything done. I agree that time is often in short supply. But sacrificing yourself doesn’t get things done easier, in fact, it makes things more challenging and frustrating – for everyone.

Take this time to create your Joy List. A list of 5 things you love to do for no other reason than it brings you joy. Perhaps you love to take a walk, read, paint, cook, or volunteer. You may easily have more than 5 or you could be so out of touch with your own needs, you may struggle to find 5. Do your best.

Once you have your list. Read through it and note how many of the items don’t cost a thing except for time? I would venture to guess at least 3 of the 5, if not all, only require an investment of time. This is good because it throws out the “no money” excuse many suffer from.

Now, it’s important that you make a commitment to your Self and to your Joy List every day.

Each day spend a minimum of 15 minutes doing one item from your list. These 15 minutes will prove to be the most valuable investment you make in being more productive and fulfilled in your everyday life.

Hello & Welcome!

angel cloud

I’m thrilled and honored you found me! I love to share, and it’s so much fun to connect and play with others!

This world can be a crazy place. It’s also breathtakingly beautiful and full of magic.

Check out this photo for example.

I captured this moment when I took a ride to the river and was contemplating letting go of something that was an integral part of my life.

For me I saw an angel surrounded by a heart, that reminded me I’m unconditionally loved and fully supported ~ always.

Not some of the time. Not only if I’m obedient, look a certain way, or drive a specific car. ALWAYS.

I sometimes forget this.

Especially when the universe lands a drop kick, but I have managed to always bounce back.

And it’s become a game to see how quickly I can do it, because I wholeheartedly believe we are Here (on this fan-freakin’-tastic playground) for the JOY of it and that Living in Alignment is the secret password.

Let’s play!

~Sabrina

Not-so-Sweet Charity

I’m not a prude, but the ba-ba-ba-ba-bum of the trumpet made my stomach turn. I was unfamiliar with Sweet Charity, but that song is unmistakable. Big Spender means strippers, but this was a high school production!sweetCharityLogo

When I accepted these tickets, I wasn’t prepared to watch girls, as young as 13, dance in negligees and short dresses. A few bent over to expose a garter and black Spanx. They lined up along the barre into suggestive poses. Put on display for the big spenders (teenage boys) to walk across the stage and select one to “dance” with.

The whipped cream on top was the bedroom scene. The bed had a canopy rail with burgundy sheets that enclosed the sides. A couple climbed onto the bed, the girl crawled up from behind him. (more…)

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