A roll-over “accident” was the wake-up call I needed to see that there is more to life.
Simply Sabrina
Musings, Insights, and Inspiration
Riding Free
There were few things that brought me as much joy in my childhood as riding through the Ozarks on the back of my dad’s motorcycle. I would no longer ride with my mom after she dumped me into a creek. I think she somewhat enjoyed it and I didn’t trust her not to do it again. I did enjoy riding though; I especially loved the feeling of freedom and being surrounded by nature.
When my sister was a teenager, my dad taught her to ride, but when it came my turn, he refused to teach me, stating he didn’t want to be responsible for my death. I guess I couldn’t blame him, I was a little bit of a daredevil with a wild streak.
One of the many perks of being with my husband, Greg, was riding again and I trust him completely. We took a trip to Estes Park for the 4th of July when I was 5 months pregnant with Tabitha and I discovered that I really love riding fast—not out-of-control, crazy fast—but more than the law would like. Whenever I wanted him to go a little faster, I’d give him a little squeeze between my legs.
As Tabitha got a little older, she started enjoying riding too. The only way we could enjoy riding as a family was for me to learn to ride my own. In the past, when I thought about learning to ride, I’d think back to what my father had said and what became a subconscious belief, riding my own motorcycle meant I would die. And then there was also the incident with my mom and at some level I didn’t trust female riders.
It was while we were riding to Estes Park in 2009, Greg throttled up when we went through a tunnel and the sound of the pipes vibrated and echoed through me. In that moment, I knew I wanted to be able to do the same.
Greg offered to teach me but since I don’t believe spouses should teach one another anything—especially something that requires multiple steps and patience—I thanked him and signed up for a motorcycle-riding course.
With my motorcycle endorsement in hand I went to get my new driver’s license. I couldn’t believe the differences, including my signature. I carry both of them with me as a reminder of what is possible when we are willing to face our fears and be open to the process of letting go of that which no longer serves us in order to become the person we are meant to be.
I’ve been riding my own bike for a few years and I absolutely love it. I especially enjoy the freedom of the open road with nothing holding me back.
Concerned Parent Program
I played the concerned parent role for many years. That is until I learned to tune into my emotions and my mantra became “nothing is more important than that I feel good” (thank you, Abraham). I actively committed to change and to doing my best to feel good, the majority of the time. I do not claim to be perfect and by no means do I claim to know everything about parenting. But I have discovered a positive, empowered parenting style that works well for me and seems to be working for my children.
Being a parent is very challenging. We worry about whether we are raising our children appropriately. Are they good people? Are they making good choices? How can I stop them from being hurt or making mistakes? So many questions, sometimes so few answers.
It was natural for me to be a concerned parent; after all it was ingrained in me through my environment. I want to be clear, I am not holding a grudge, nor do I wish I could have changed anything about my life. My family was loving, close and protective, with all my needs provided. With that said, I was raised in an environment where my parents were constantly worried about my well-being, rightfully so, after all, they were too. If parents didn’t show concern for their children, then they simply weren’t good parents!
During high school, I remember my Mom losing many nights’ sleep, awaiting my arrival home. I never really understood the concept of a curfew, to me, it was far too restraining. It made more sense to simply come home when I was done having fun, when I was ready. Nevertheless, this was not how my Mom felt. She would not allow herself to fall asleep; instead, she would lie in bed with the TV on, thinking of the 101 ways that I could die that night.
Looking back on those experiences, with today’s wisdom, I now see how strongly my inner-wisdom, soul, spirit (whatever you choose to call it), was pushing me, while confined to rules, to do the things that brought me joy. It’s no wonder I was considered rebellious. I simply didn’t take no for an answer, I wanted to know why. Why do you want to suppress me? Why do you want to keep me from doing the things I love? Why do you want me to feel bad?
As life would have it, I became a mother early in life. I wondered when the Mother’s Curse was going to kick-in. You know, the curse that your mother places on you to have a child just like you! Staying true to course, when my eldest daughter, Brandilyn, entered middle school, I updated my overly concerned parent program.
She had a girlfriend that I was certain would be pregnant by the age of 16 (if she made it that long!), her parents drank way too much, and I was concerned for Brandilyn’s safety when she was with them. There was one Saturday that she had spent with them, calling in the evening to get permission to sleepover. I argued she didn’t have her necessities and she said she could pick them up and asked me to pack them for her. I didn’t hear her come into the house and get her backpack.
For about three hours, I was convinced she was horribly hurt (before cell phones were at pre-teens’ disposal). I felt intense worry, sobbing tears as I experienced her funeral, and a knotted stomach before I discovered the backpack gone from the front door. She was completely safe and having fun with her friend.
It’s incredible the amount of physical and emotional pain we can suffer simply from making up worse case scenarios in our imagination. From something that isn’t even “real.” It’s now easy for me to see the direct correlation from my thoughts (emotions) to my well being, it wasn’t at that time.
Not long after, the Internet was introduced. I researched all the information available for me, as a good parent, that I needed to know for my children’s safety. I even purchased a computer program that recorded the keystrokes of our family PC. This would allow me to read any email or chat room discussion that Brandilyn typed. (You must understand, this isn’t easy for me to admit as this is the first time that Brandilyn is finding out that I violated her privacy. Yet, if you or someone can learn from my paranoia, then it is worth it.)
Shortly after the program was installed, I generated a report and read an email she had typed to one of her friends. She shared information with her friend that made my heart sink into the pit of my stomach. I was in a dilemma, do I confront her with what she had done or let it go? I went back and forth for a few days and realized, she didn’t do anything that I had not also done at her age. I discovered I wanted her to be free to explore and experiment in life, without the fear of big brother watching her. Knowing she is entitled to her privacy and I trust her to make good decisions, and even if she doesn’t, trust that she will learn and grow from that experience. I removed the program immediately and no longer felt the need to spy on my children.
It was Tabitha, my youngest, that taught me that everyone has his or her own guidance that is far more powerful than any parental guidance or stranger danger talk. When she was 5 years old, we had some repair/service people in our home after a lightning strike. This particular day, it was the high-speed Internet being repaired. The first repairman was having difficulty and called in assistance. The second man arrived, and began interacting with Tabitha, wanting to be playful and engage her. She cowered behind me, something I was not seeing my generally gregarious daughter do. She whispered, “Mommy, he’s mean”, as she hunched more behind me. I actually tried to reassure her and prove to her that he was not mean!
Here, she was showing me, that the guidance within her was telling her to stay away from him and I was trying to encourage her toward him! Simply because I wasn’t fully aware in that moment, since I was feeling embarrassed by her lack of social graces! REALLY! Wow, thankful to see it so clearly afterwards. When I realized what she was teaching me, that is when I stopped instilling fear into my children and instead, entrusted them to follow their own guidance. It is incredibly freeing when you are no longer worried about harm coming to your children.
Today, technology and social networking allows parents to have all new capabilities of monitoring their children. You are not always going to like what you discover. It’s up to you how you use that information. I suggest the first step would be to not take it personally. Often, we feel personally attacked or judge ourselves by how well our children behave or what they do or do not accomplish. Be free from the association of others. Secondly, instead of focusing on what they did “wrong”, turn your focus and awareness on what they do “right”. In an attraction-based universe, we experience what we predominantly focus on. Here’s a big news flash, your children are showing you exactly what you expect!
Next, keep your focus primarily on subjects that feel good to you. When you think about something that is not in alignment with your true self, you will feel it. It may be an upset stomach, perhaps a headache, even something as simple as the feeling of anger or disappointment. Those “symptoms” are simply information. Once you have the information, then you can use it to help you to remember something positive or focus on what feels better now. Little by little, the shift begins from moving from a reactive parent to a stable, balanced parent.
I am a different parent now than I was 22 years ago when I first became one. I sleep soundly in my comfortable bed (even when my 17 year old son has yet to return home), knowing that my children are eternally protected. I am grateful to be free from the concerned parent program. I no longer interact with my children from a place of fear. I have found being an empowered parent is far more beneficial and influential for both parent and child.
Make Your Own News
The News. What’s so “new” about it? Seems like it’s the same stuff, different day. Watching the news is a traditional American Pastime. Current Events and the importance of being informed were taught in school. There is a societal expectation that one should be informed on local, country, and world news in order to hold decent small talk conversations.
I used to watch the news every day; it would be on in the morning while preparing for work, mainly for traffic and weather reports. The nightly news, usually following one of my favorite dramas such as ER or Law and Order, would come on after a good cry or feelings of fear from the thought of random crime. I would drift off to sleep after riding an emotional rollercoaster with thoughts of a world filled with unjust acts, anger, far too many innocent victims, and a sense of hopelessness.
At the time, I didn’t have much consideration for thoughts or feelings, not possessing an awareness of the direct connection between information and my life experience.
Early on my journey of self-discovery, I stopped watching the news, because I wanted more positivity in my life. As with any habit, it wasn’t easy to break at first, as I was missing some of the things I found valuable, such as the weather report.
I began going online to a local news channel’s website to look at the weather report. When I did this, I found I would get sucked into the headlines, and I’d start to feel bad and discouraged again. A feature was added that allowed me to sign-up for the daily weather report via email; I could get the information I wanted without the drama. Today, it’s even easier, with the forecast available at the touch of my fingertips on my iPhone.
When someone mentioned a current event, I would simply respond that I didn’t know about it since I no longer watch the news. Now most people don’t understand the concept of breaking free from cultural norms, seemingly unaware that it is even an option, and this concept would stretch many outside their comfort zone.
Some people would argue that they “like to be informed”. I do too, I like to have information that is relevant to me, that’s why I set up the intention that if there was something I needed to know, something that was important for my wellbeing, that information would come to me. Information came in various ways: someone would tell me, I would overhear a conversation, I’d read it, and, in recent years, someone will post it on Facebook. I love that I can receive the information I need without being inundated by all the information that doesn’t need to be in my awareness.
Others would argue, “It’s not all BAD news, there is good news, too.” In my experience, the amount of time spent covering bad news far outweighed the amount of coverage on “feel good” news stories. Often, those touching stories depict someone who has overcome tremendous adversity and struggle, perpetuating the belief that nothing comes easy and we need to struggle and work hard to achieve anything good or worthwhile.
Don’t get me wrong, I believe the world is filled with good news, so much so, that if traditional media would report on all the good happening in the world, there would be no time left to report on the wrongdoing in the world. What works best for me is to access information I need on the Internet, of course there is plenty of fear-based information out there, but I’m able to sift through and quickly identify the resource that is right for me.
I enjoy making my own news, living the life that I consciously create, which is far different than the one that the media would prefer that I live. What life are you living? The one you desire or the one you have been programmed to live?
Discovering More of Me Through Comedy
You can watch here: Sabrina Fritts Comedy Debut
When I first saw the announcement of the “Stand Up! Workshop for Women” I was ready to sign-up. I had always secretly wanted to be a stand-up comedian, I love to laugh and equally enjoy making others laugh.
I believed this experience would provide new knowledge that would assist me in my professional career, as a public speaker, teacher, and, now, radio personality. It was easy to justify, based on the educational business expense alone.
In addition to making my professional bio more interesting, I expected to have some fun, and check off another item on my bucket list, like when I skydived. I didn’t have an attachment, whether or not I would perform more than this one time, trusting I would know after my debut.
I didn’t expect this to be easy. I knew I would be stretched outside of my comfort zone, but everything worthwhile does, and I enjoy embracing those liberating growth opportunities.
We began with a four-hour workshop, led by Kristina Hall, a professional writer and comedian. There were nine women participating and I casually knew one, the rest I met that day. However, several of the women knew each other, some quite well, and that made me feel like an outsider. Were they going to get special treatment, or have an unfair advantage because Kristina knew them?
Looking back now, I see the masterful games my ego began to play. Whenever I enter uncharted territory, I revert to my instinctual “survival of the fittest” stance. I immediately assess the “competition” and plot my strategy for triumph.
It’s not pretty and it isn’t easy for me to admit these feelings. I have often had glimpses of oneness, where I see someone for their true self and it feels wonderfully delicious. So, when I fall into the limitations of humanity, it hurts even more, knowing it can be different. I must be willing to let go of my own insecurities and fear of failure in order to feel differently. It pisses me off, quite frankly, that I still can suffer from victimization. Haven’t I healed, evolved, and transcended this yet? Why the hell not? Will I never be good enough?
I felt intimidated by this group of women. They were all beautiful and intelligent, as well as, edgy and adventurous. I felt like I had no advantage. I began spiraling down into a dark place and I try to stop the insanity by looking for good things, focusing on our similarities, seeing them for their true self.
Then, Kristina asked me to share my biggest fantasy in what I hoped to gain from this experience. I can remember feeling such great joy when I imagined possibilities, with no limits, and I responded with my deepest desire to become an inspirational comedian, reaching millions of people, transforming lives through laughter. Kristina told me to take the emphasis off others, and focus on me, what I hoped to get from it.
I was confused because in my mind, affecting positive change in this world, helping people live more joyful lives, that’s what I want more than anything, nothing would make me happier. I already knew I would grow from this experience, that was a given, I wanted to look beyond myself. In that moment, I felt that she just didn’t ”get it,” she didn’t see the bigger picture, and now, the best I could hope for was to gain technical knowledge of the comedic world.
I spent the rest of the time during the workshop in observation mode, being reserved and cautious. When I did speak up during a joke writing exercise, my suggestion was rejected, feeding my insecurities and my need to find flaws in others.
There were discussions on some topics outside of my playground, and my ignorance causes me to be uncomfortable and critical. Looking for relief, I felt I had enough material on the others that I didn’t need to share my stuff. That’s my default insecure mode; focus on the imperfections of others, so I don’t have to look at my own.
At the end of the workshop, we had a basic formula and guidelines for a joke and we were assigned the task of beginning to write our material, with our first group teleconference scheduled a few days later. We would be performing in two weeks. Was it possible to be ready by then?
Kristina posted some comedy videos in our Facebook group and I gravitated toward the one that was outside the traditional stand-up, but showed the strength and humor in being honest and vulnerable, through storytelling. That’s what I love to do, tell stories and that became obvious in the way I was writing my material. Perhaps this was the whole purpose of me being doing this, to discover a platform that spotlights storytellers. That really excited me; I felt this workshop has served its purpose.
After writing a few initial jokes, I sent them to Kristina and she provided constructive feedback. She advised me to avoid instructing or inspiring, which works in motivational speaking, but not stand-up, the comedy audience is inspired by honesty. If I want to inspire them, I have to be completely authentic and willing to share at a deeper level. I needed to take the focus off what others would get from it and focus on what I was going to receive instead.
There were several monumental events that took place during this time, my son graduated from high school and we joined my parents for a family vacation in Sedona. My husband and I rode our own motorcycles, 1550 miles round-trip, while basking in spectacular scenery; the ride is physically strenuous and sometimes challenging due to heat or cold. My professional life was expanding to the airwaves, with launching a new radio show, “Authenticity Rising”, which I co-host on Transformation Talk Radio, with a dear friend and colleague, Christine Upchurch. Our first show was scheduled the day before my comedy debut.
During our vacation, I had four conference calls between the radio show and the comedy workshop, and I needed to write some material. I was dealing with the guilt of cutting into my time with my family and feeling overwhelmed by my responsibilities. I felt resentment that I didn’t have the luxury of leaving “work” behind like my husband, Greg, could do. In addition, I was dealing with my emotions around witnessing my parents, who are not physically healthy, making poor choices that negatively affect them. Although I do not fear death, knowing we are eternal, I do want them to have good quality of life while they’re alive.
We began our return trip on Saturday, three days before the show, by driving through the high desert in hot temperatures. There was an incident with a Navajo Sheriff that would eventually provide me with material, but at the time, caused a disagreement with Greg. After a ten-hour day, my son, who was driving my car behind us, decided to continue home with his sister, giving Greg and me a much-needed night alone.
Then I open a group email from Kristina, which contained a lot of homework. This was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. I broke down, the pressure was too much and now it seemed like work, not playful and fun. Why can’t I do it my way? Greg put it back into perspective for me, by rationally pointing out that I am a student, I wanted to learn this, and I am being given expert advice, that I paid for, to do it.
Like with most situations, it is rare that what we are reacting to in front of us is the actual problem. I needed to release the stress and concern that had been building up. After enjoying good food, a thorough cry, and great sex, I was back in alignment. I could breathe again and I was ready for the next steps.
With Kristina’s priceless expertise, my stories were whittled down into clear and succinct jokes. And they were funny! It was time to practice and memorize my routine, my mind would not stop. I could barely sleep the night before, or eat the day of the show and there were times throughout that my body would shake from nervousness. I hadn’t experienced anxiousness, at this level, before. I knew something good was going to happen and this was much bigger than I had expected.
We arrived at the venue early to acclimate and support each other in our shared anxiety and concern. We were in this together; I no longer felt a sense of competition or alienation. I felt a powerful connection and appreciation for each of these beautiful, uniquely authentic, and courageous women.
We all experienced significant change; break downs and breakthroughs during this process. Each and every one of us that took the stage for the first time felt the undeniable exhilaration of facing fear and conquering it. Stepping outside our comfort zone and discovering freedom in knowing that simply sharing ourselves, we discover we are enough, and actually are very funny.
In our unique challenges and life choices, we have come together through our common desire to express ourselves through comedy. Sharing a closeness that was incredibly palpable, Greg commented on it. Our success is a testament to Kristina’s ability to teach, bringing out the best in others, and her belief that everyone is a comic. Kristina said, “Laughter is expansive.” That is an understatement!
We had so much fun, we are going to do it again!
You can watch here: Sabrina Fritts Comedy Debut
- We did it!!!
- These were two of the women in my group, Charis and Laura Lee. Talk about intimidating, both are gorgeous (even while eating) AND tall!
