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Love ~ Let it Surprise You

On this day of celebrating Love, I find myself reflecting and appreciating two of the biggest loves in my life ~ my adoring husband and my eldest daughter. Being reminded of how truly precious the love that we share with one another is, never to be taken for granted. Knowing that if we are simply open to the possibility, it may not always come in the package or in the way that we expect, but it will come.

I had just celebrated my 29th birthday and had a little cash so I decided to get a new tattoo. Having recently walked away from an abusive marriage with my two young children, I was in the process of reinventing myself. I went to the shop that was close to where I lived and where I had my naval pierced six months earlier. I decided upon a small zodiac symbol and was told that Fritz would do my tattoo. I thought to myself, that’s good, since he’s the artist I wanted, having pierced me before.

We had a wonderful conversation during my tattoo, which took much longer than I expected.  He assumed I was a Cancer, since that was the symbol he was tattooing on my lower back; I corrected him and told him I was an Aquarius. However, I was born in ’69 and it was one of my favorite numbers. This definitely got his attention.

There was a strong mutual attraction, but we both had our reservations. I was a single mom, going through a divorce and he was a tattoo artist. A tattoo artist!!! I had a lot of stereotypes surrounding my opinion of tattoo artists and at the time I was still concerned about what other people thought of me.

I didn’t seem to be taking into account the powerful experience I had the day that he pierced my naval. When he looked up at me to see if I was ready, I immediately felt “something” when I connected to his deep, blue eyes. After we left, I asked my friend if she thought he was cute. She said yes, but was surprised that I would find him attractive since he was bald and not my typical type. I couldn’t explain it, just something I felt. The very next day, my daughter, Brandilyn, and I were stopped at an intersection when I looked over to the right and saw Fritz on his motorcycle. I pointed him out and asked if she thought he was cute, being nine years old, she simply thought I was crazy.

It would take seven months, from being tattooed before we officially started dating. During that cautionary time, I got more tattoos, which are excellent pain therapy by the way. When you are suffering emotionally and mentally, the physical pain is unnoticeable, like it is somehow absorbed. On separate occasions, I brought my daughter and my out-of-town brother in to “meet” him. One night, after being tattooed, I was invited to attend a late night shop dinner with everyone. Afterward, he took me back to my car and our conversation continued for a while in the parking lot, before inviting him to my place. We talked until three in the morning, when he decided it was time to go home. He was a complete gentleman, which was refreshing, and somewhat disappointing, to me.

A few weeks later, my kids and me were moving to a new condo and my phone number was changing. I took this opportunity to inform Fritz of my new number, in case he wanted to reach me. We started dating two weeks later. Both of us had our reasons for being shy of a committed, long-term relationship. He was going to be my conquest, a fun story I would tell my grandchildren someday, about the crazy time Grandma dated a tattoo artist! Neither one of us expected to find “The One” in the other, but to our surprise, that is exactly what happened. We were married a year later.

We became engaged the day after the Columbine High School tragedy. The television coverage was quite extensive and one morning, while getting ready for work, Brandilyn noted the pictures of Harris and Klebold on TV and how average and normal they looked, similar to her abusive stepfather. That people will stare at Fritz and be concerned; yet he is so caring and gentle. That was how she learned that you could never judge a book by its cover.

Fritz became the father that Brandilyn never had, loving and accepting her as his own. Adopting her shortly after we were married for one year (the required time by law), she was 12 at the time. He helped her heal from her challenging childhood, not receiving the fatherly love she deserved. He encouraged her artistic talent, being an artist himself; today they work side-by-side tattooing at Alternative Arts Tattoo. They both have a great sense of humor that compliments one another, allowing them to engage in playful banter. Clients are not surprised when they discover they are father and daughter, but they may be surprised to learn they are not biologically so. I know now that he has always been her father; it just took them 10 years to meet!

Courage

It takes courage to follow your heart.

It takes courage to find things that bring you joy.

It takes courage to share your true feelings with others.

It takes courage to do something you have never done before.

It takes courage to complete your responsibilities.

It takes courage to say “yes”, and often times more to say “no”.

It takes courage to ask for help, and be willing to receive it.

It takes courage to share what you believe in.

It takes courage to follow your own guidance.

It takes courage to focus only on what you want.

It takes courage to do things differently.

It takes courage to risk disappointing someone you care about.

It takes courage to let go of judgments.

It takes courage to say goodbye to someone that doesn’t treat you well.

It takes courage to love someone.

It takes courage to be kind.

It takes courage to be you!

It’s not always easy being courageous, but when you are, you will see magic unfolding before your eyes.

 

“WTF!!! Is this really what it’s all about?”

Life can be hard, painful, full of one challenge after the other. It leaves you wondering ~ “WTF!!! Is this really what it’s all about? I came here so life can serve me up one indigestible pile of crap after another?”

For many years, I continuously felt victimized by the randomness of life. One of my favorite sayings at that time, something to sooth the pain was “That which does not kill you, makes you stronger!” I do not recommend adopting this motto in your life, unless if you want to experience stress, struggle and scarcity.

Abusive relationships, including an abusive marriage to a narcissist, girl friends that stabbed me in the back; always felt overworked, under appreciated and definitely underpaid; assholes that cut me off in traffic, poor customer service, overcharges, and on and on the cycle would go. Every time I turned around there was one more thing that was reminding me that I’m always getting screwed over.

One thing was for certain; it never felt good to be victimized and I had a very strong victim vibration activated. Pretty soon, I found myself reflecting on my life, searching for something more, knowing that there has to be higher purpose for our existence and I began to dip a toe or two into the spiritual abyss.

Beginning to consciously focus on the experiences I wanted in my life, I found that I was manifesting like crazy. However, my life experiences still included some of those unpleasant experiences and I didn’t understand why. After Dr. Wayne Dyer introduced me to the Teachings of Abraham-Hicks, learning that we are more non-physical than physical beings and that as energetic beings we are constantly offering a vibration. Law of attraction is always matching what we are currently vibrating, like tuning into a radio frequency and playing what is being broadcast. We have a predominant vibrational set point – mine was often set to Victim.

What is your predominant vibrational set point? What would you like it to be?

This newfound knowledge made a lot of sense to me and for the first time in my life, I was able to stop blaming others or situations for the victimization I felt and instead, honestly see my part. How life circumstances had caused me to have low self-esteem, a powerful sense of unworthiness, and a tremendous amount of guilt, aligning from one painful situation to the next.  Willing to take responsibility for my role actually caused me to feel quite empowered. This was completely refreshing and the opposite of what I had normally felt.

By connecting to my inner-being (soul, higher self, spirit), receiving guidance from my emotions, gaining clarity on what I want from knowing clearly what I don’t want, I began to make positive changes in my life and stopped being a victim. Does that mean that everything in my life always goes according to plan? No. But it does mean that the majority of the time, I feel good and I am experiencing really amazing things.

When I have a setback today, which usually occurs when I haven’t taken the time to care for myself, it’s an opportunity to get clear on what I would prefer instead. It’s simply information that there is something active in my vibration that I would prefer to let go. Being human, we are going to have times when we stumble and fall but don’t let that stop you from playing! It’s time to find an easier way to play the game.

Transitions

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~ Anais Nin

Transition is a normal flow of life, much like the seasons changing. Yet, we tend to cling so tightly to what is that we are not allowing what can be. We often become stagnant in our lives, unwilling to take risks or allow ourselves to experience all possibilities. We feel moments of inspiration that are over-shadowed by meeting our obligations.

After my personal experience in my early twenties, whenever I had to fire or lay-off someone during my Human Resources career, I often stated that being fired is the biggest blessing one can receive. A clean slate allows us to explore new options.

If I hadn’t lost my job, a job that I didn’t enjoy, I would not have been searching for something new. Many of us were raised with the good ol’ Puritan work ethic: work hard, prove ourselves worthy, earn a decent living, and then retire.  Often working for others, serving our time, exchanging time for dollars. Very few are doing what they love. We become complacent and if lucky, content. What would happen if people really followed their hearts and did what they love?

I enjoyed my time in HR, yet I had inner yearnings of breaking free from the corporate world.  I didn’t know how I could leave. I was making a decent salary, working from home four days a week, with good benefits, and had a lot of co-workers that were like family to me. Yet, I wanted more! More joy, more play, and more time to help others on their life paths.

As much as I wanted my freedom, I was paralyzed by fear – how would I replace my income and provide benefits for my family? Fear is the number one cause that stops people from following their dreams. Many have heard the acronym for FEAR, False Evidence Appearing Real, but in the midst of it, fear feels very real! Fear, worry, concern, and indecision are toxic to the soul. These thoughts and feelings hold us down, and keep us from reaching our full potential.

Stepping through fear is a journey. It starts with a new idea or inspiration. Feel it, line up to it by addressing and releasing any feelings or old paradigm beliefs that do not serve, and then allow alignment to the new idea.

The day came when I was ready to take the next step, with some uncertainty, yet with a deep knowingness that this was the right time.  That was over five years ago, and not once have I looked back and wished I had stayed.  Here I am today at a new point in my life, letting go of the person I have become these past few years.  I am ready to embark on a new path, ready to reach a larger audience and assist them in living in their authentic selves.

Am I scared? I’d be dishonest if I said no. But today, I take comfort in knowing that I am fully supported in all that I do. Letting go is essential!  This was a foreign concept to my former Type A personality. It does get easier with practice.  Let go of attachment to the outcome, be open to the possibilities, and allow.

There may be times when we fall down and scrape our knees, but that is no reason to stop playing! We wanted to come and play in this amazing playground we call Earth, with so many experiences to choose from. Let your inner guidance gently allow you to blossom into what you were meant to be!

Treasures Within Nature

I recently came across the CD that contained some photos from our 2006 Spring Break family vacation to Sedona, AZ, which included a stop at Antelope Canyon. This trip was a culmination of so many creations and desires and a driving force that propelled me forward in many ways.  I love reconnecting to this particular time of my life, clearly seeing all the dots connected, and feeling the magic of this transformational time, allowing me to feel gratitude for the support at that time and today.

After attending the September 2005 Mastery Conference in Sedona, it was clear that it was time for me to let go of that which I was clinging so tightly. Successfully negotiating a work-from-home situation, in the office one day a week, while working from my home in the mountains of Colorado the rest of the week, my security blanket was quite snug. This was the best of both worlds, being home with my family and animals, while drawing a nice salary. My invitation to leave came the day my boss, the CFO, called me into her office to inform me that the CEO wanted me back in the office full-time. I was a “bad example” for other employees, they wanted what I had, more freedom.  Surprise?!?!? That is when it was clear it was time for me to leave. My boss was shocked, but I was seeing my creation unfold, leave under the best circumstances, hire and train my replacement and leave only once everything was adequately transitioned. A true win-win!

Shortly after my big epiphany, my husband, Greg, and I took a fantastic two-week Abraham Hawaiian cruise, the beginning of many magical vacations together. Imagine ~ surrounded by the big, blue Pacific ocean, visiting paradise, swimming with the wild dolphins, riding a Harley on the winding road to Hana, visiting Waimea Canyon, making life-long connections (Aloha, Nancy!), renewing vows, AND spending several hours with Abraham! Releasing resistance, as easily as every wave moved us forward. This retreat allowed me the time I needed to disconnect from my every day life, nurture my spirit, while gaining clarity for the life before me.

With Esther & Jerry Hicks (Abraham-Hicks)
Swimming with Dolphins in Hawaii

Within three months, I was leaving my HR career, my colleagues and close friends, my second family; everything I had known for the past 13 years, to embark on an unknown adventure.  I was uncertain how my salary was going to be replaced. I just knew that there was something more to life and I was ready to discover it. During my farewell luncheon, my boss asked me to tell everyone what I was going to be doing…my mind raced with thoughts of how do I tell them (a group of civil engineers and executives) that I was going to do Reconnective Healing and The Reconnection. I was not prepared to address their questions and subsequently their shocked faces I imagined. So, I excitedly blurted out, “I am going to play and have fun!!!” Well, I managed to get those shocked faces anyway! I then softened my outburst by explaining how I was going to manage Greg’s tattoo studio, so that he could focus on his art.  This was something that made sense to them, reasonable, respectable, sort of a “stand by my man” moment.

Jerome, AZ
Sedona Spring 2006

A celebration was in order!  Free from the confinements of corporate life. Living at nearly 10,000 feet in the Rocky Mountains, nature is a part of our lives. A trip to Disney World was too superficial. We would experience true magic, another one of nature’s playgrounds. Sedona was a perfect choice.

Our time in Sedona was wonderful in so many ways with typical too-much-family-togetherness moments. Hiking, climbing, sky-diving, haunted eccentric town ~ Jerome, going the long way (REEEAALLLYYYYY long way for the kids) home to visit Antelope Canyon, Bryce Canyon, drive scenic Bi-way 12 through Utah, ran over a bunny rabbit when tensions were too high, laughter, tears, loving moments, and bitter fights. There really is nothing quite like a family road trip.  When sometimes the only thing you can do is let go.

Skydiving
Skydiving over Sedona

Skydiving had always been something I wanted to do, probably from all the flying dreams I used to have as a child. Becoming a mother at a young age, skydiving was impractical (after all, I was living primarily in fear). I had taken a big leap of faith by leaving my job; it was now time to take a physical leap of faith.  Interesting to me, the experience left me feeling the same. No big, huge, exhilarating thrill I had imagined. A friend suggested that since my vibration was much higher than in the past, there wasn’t the rush that others describe.  All I know, is that I am grateful for doing something I had always wanted to do, stepped through fear, took in some spectacular scenery on my descent, without the need to do it again.

On our return home, we stopped at Antelope Canyon in Page, AZ. I had seen some breath taking photos, but did not know much of this destination. This slot canyon is located on Navajo land, after we paid our cash only admission fees; we were lead to the entrance, which began as a crack in the ground. We were told to follow the crack until reaching a ladder that would lead us underground. This natural phenomenon is below ground! Carved by the force of water, the sandstone walls look like ocean waves, sculpting the sandstone while marking the releasing of many layers of debris to discover beauty beyond compare. Words and pictures cannot adequately describe this playground.

Sculpted walls in Antelope Canyon
Light Shining Down

Discovering the blessings of letting go, releasing that which is no longer needed, trusting and allowing the true beauty to come through. Yes, nature is a master teacher. Spend time, connect, and discover your hidden treasures!

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