Discovering More of Me Through Comedy

You can watch here: Sabrina Fritts Comedy Debut

When I first saw the announcement of the “Stand Up! Workshop for Women” I was ready to sign-up. I had always secretly wanted to be a stand-up comedian, I love to laugh and equally enjoy making others laugh.

I believed this experience would provide new knowledge that would assist me in my professional career, as a public speaker, teacher, and, now, radio personality. It was easy to justify, based on the educational business expense alone.

In addition to making my professional bio more interesting, I expected to have some fun, and check off another item on my bucket list, like when I skydived.  I didn’t have an attachment, whether or not I would perform more than this one time, trusting I would know after my debut.

I didn’t expect this to be easy. I knew I would be stretched outside of my comfort zone, but everything worthwhile does, and I enjoy embracing those liberating growth opportunities.

We began with a four-hour workshop, led by Kristina Hall, a professional writer and comedian. There were nine women participating and I casually knew one, the rest I met that day.  However, several of the women knew each other, some quite well, and that made me feel like an outsider. Were they going to get special treatment, or have an unfair advantage because Kristina knew them?

Looking back now, I see the masterful games my ego began to play. Whenever I enter uncharted territory, I revert to my instinctual “survival of the fittest” stance. I immediately assess the “competition” and plot my strategy for triumph.

It’s not pretty and it isn’t easy for me to admit these feelings. I have often had glimpses of oneness, where I see someone for their true self and it feels wonderfully delicious. So, when I fall into the limitations of humanity, it hurts even more, knowing it can be different.  I must be willing to let go of my own insecurities and fear of failure in order to feel differently. It pisses me off, quite frankly, that I still can suffer from victimization. Haven’t I healed, evolved, and transcended this yet? Why the hell not? Will I never be good enough?

I felt intimidated by this group of women. They were all beautiful and intelligent, as well as, edgy and adventurous.  I felt like I had no advantage. I began spiraling down into a dark place and I try to stop the insanity by looking for good things, focusing on our similarities, seeing them for their true self.

Then, Kristina asked me to share my biggest fantasy in what I hoped to gain from this experience. I can remember feeling such great joy when I imagined possibilities, with no limits, and I responded with my deepest desire to become an inspirational comedian, reaching millions of people, transforming lives through laughter. Kristina told me to take the emphasis off others, and focus on me, what I hoped to get from it.

I was confused because in my mind, affecting positive change in this world, helping people live more joyful lives, that’s what I want more than anything, nothing would make me happier. I already knew I would grow from this experience, that was a given, I wanted to look beyond myself. In that moment, I felt that she just didn’t ”get it,” she didn’t see the bigger picture, and now, the best I could hope for was to gain technical knowledge of the comedic world.

I spent the rest of the time during the workshop in observation mode, being reserved and cautious.  When I did speak up during a joke writing exercise, my suggestion was rejected, feeding my insecurities and my need to find flaws in others.

There were discussions on some topics outside of my playground, and my ignorance causes me to be uncomfortable and critical. Looking for relief, I felt I had enough material on the others that I didn’t need to share my stuff. That’s my default insecure mode; focus on the imperfections of others, so I don’t have to look at my own.

At the end of the workshop, we had a basic formula and guidelines for a joke and we were assigned the task of beginning to write our material, with our first group teleconference scheduled a few days later.  We would be performing in two weeks. Was it possible to be ready by then?

Kristina posted some comedy videos in our Facebook group and I gravitated toward the one that was outside the traditional stand-up, but showed the strength and humor in being honest and vulnerable, through storytelling. That’s what I love to do, tell stories and that became obvious in the way I was writing my material.  Perhaps this was the whole purpose of me being doing this, to discover a platform that spotlights storytellers. That really excited me; I felt this workshop has served its purpose.

After writing a few initial jokes, I sent them to Kristina and she provided constructive feedback. She advised me to avoid instructing or inspiring, which works in motivational speaking, but not stand-up, the comedy audience is inspired by honesty. If I want to inspire them, I have to be completely authentic and willing to share at a deeper level. I needed to take the focus off what others would get from it and focus on what I was going to receive instead.

There were several monumental events that took place during this time, my son graduated from high school and we joined my parents for a family vacation in Sedona. My husband and I rode our own motorcycles, 1550 miles round-trip, while basking in spectacular scenery; the ride is physically strenuous and sometimes challenging due to heat or cold. My professional life was expanding to the airwaves, with launching a new radio show, “Authenticity Rising”, which I co-host on Transformation Talk Radio, with a dear friend and colleague, Christine Upchurch. Our first show was scheduled the day before my comedy debut.

During our vacation, I had four conference calls between the radio show and the comedy workshop, and I needed to write some material. I was dealing with the guilt of cutting into my time with my family and feeling overwhelmed by my responsibilities. I felt resentment that I didn’t have the luxury of leaving “work” behind like my husband, Greg, could do.  In addition, I was dealing with my emotions around witnessing my parents, who are not physically healthy, making poor choices that negatively affect them. Although I do not fear death, knowing we are eternal, I do want them to have good quality of life while they’re alive.

We began our return trip on Saturday, three days before the show, by driving through the high desert in hot temperatures. There was an incident with a Navajo Sheriff that would eventually provide me with material, but at the time, caused a disagreement with Greg. After a ten-hour day, my son, who was driving my car behind us, decided to continue home with his sister, giving Greg and me a much-needed night alone.

Then I open a group email from Kristina, which contained a lot of homework. This was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. I broke down, the pressure was too much and now it seemed like work, not playful and fun. Why can’t I do it my way? Greg put it back into perspective for me, by rationally pointing out that I am a student, I wanted to learn this, and I am being given expert advice, that I paid for, to do it.

Like with most situations, it is rare that what we are reacting to in front of us is the actual problem. I needed to release the stress and concern that had been building up. After enjoying good food, a thorough cry, and great sex, I was back in alignment. I could breathe again and I was ready for the next steps.

With Kristina’s priceless expertise, my stories were whittled down into clear and succinct jokes.  And they were funny! It was time to practice and memorize my routine, my mind would not stop. I could barely sleep the night before, or eat the day of the show and there were times throughout that my body would shake from nervousness. I hadn’t experienced anxiousness, at this level, before. I knew something good was going to happen and this was much bigger than I had expected.

We arrived at the venue early to acclimate and support each other in our shared anxiety and concern.  We were in this together; I no longer felt a sense of competition or alienation. I felt a powerful connection and appreciation for each of these beautiful, uniquely authentic, and courageous women.

We all experienced significant change; break downs and breakthroughs during this process. Each and every one of us that took the stage for the first time felt the undeniable exhilaration of facing fear and conquering it. Stepping outside our comfort zone and discovering freedom in knowing that simply sharing ourselves, we discover we are enough, and actually are very funny.

In our unique challenges and life choices, we have come together through our common desire to express ourselves through comedy. Sharing a closeness that was incredibly palpable, Greg commented on it. Our success is a testament to Kristina’s ability to teach, bringing out the best in others, and her belief that everyone is a comic. Kristina said, “Laughter is expansive.” That is an understatement!

We had so much fun, we are going to do it again!

 

You can watch here: Sabrina Fritts Comedy Debut

We did it!!!
These were two of the women in my group, Charis and Laura Lee. Talk about intimidating, both are gorgeous (even while eating) AND tall!

Where to Start?

Where to start? I‘m not sure where to begin. There is so much that I want to share. I have a strong desire to help others feel better and truly enjoy life. My inner urging to write is becoming louder and more persistent, taunting me like a ticking clock. I continue to stumble along my way through the myriad of avenues in which to reach others. I enjoy writing, but haven’t found the right technique—by hand, on my laptop, transcribing voice recordings—trying to find the path of least resistance, the one that flows easiest for me.

The only way to discover the easiest way is write daily, I have been given this advice many times, but as we all know, one has to find their way at the right time for them self.

I’m ready.

At first, I enthusiastically proclaimed I am going to do a daily blog! Then when imagining that time commitment, especially since I haven’t found the easiest flow for me, it began to feel like work and I don’t like that feeling, it simply has to be fun for me, because that never feels like work.

I enjoy making up the rules as I go along—or more accurately, I enjoy breaking the rules—I am more aligned to producing a weekly blog, allowing it to be more frequently, if it feels fun and playful.

I recently reconnected with a former classmate, now known as Jill Barrett. We grew up together attending the same Catholic School in a small town, Atchison, Kansas. Atchison is the type of place where everyone knows each other, if not personally, at least by reputation.

Jill and I were friendly to one another, but not what you would consider close friends. After the customary catching up and discussion about our upcoming 25th High School Reunion, (I know~shocking!) I shared with her one of those formidable childhood memories that involved her.

When we were in the 3rd or 4th grade, we were assigned oral presentations in Language Arts class. I remember during my presentation that it was obvious that the majority of the class was not paying any attention to what I was saying. After awhile, it began to really upset me and during my speech, I randomly asked, “How many people are listening to me right now?”

Jill was one of two people that raised their hands. I remember appreciating her for listening and judging the rest for being so rude. Of course, at the time, I had no idea that the class was projecting back to me what I most struggled with, listening to others.

Jill was humbled that I shared this memory with her. Then she shared her perception of me. ”I always liked you and found you fascinating, but intimidating. You were (still are, no doubt) always emanating such color and activity. You seemed so put together, and so protected by your sister…so “in the know” and in charge of your world.”

As I read her message, I began to understand that I became very proficient at hiding behind a mask at an early age. I adopted the “fake it ‘til you make it” mentality, I did my best to always show people the persona I longed to be—confident, capable and deserving—hiding my insecurities and unworthiness issues, silently suffering, as I had learned to hide my emotions.

I wonder if anyone else can relate?

Over the last few years, with a lot of “growth opportunities” and healing, I have become more aware and conscious of my insecurities and fears. Through awareness, things change. In my desire to be more authentic, I have discovered ways to compassionately share my emotions, rather than stuffing them inside, waiting to be acknowledged through a physical ailment.

I understand the importance of feeling good and I appreciate the joy I feel in my life, the majority of the time, but of course, there are times when life is not going according to plan. Even though it’s now easier for me to share my real self with others, I still have apprehension about openly sharing my doubts and insecurities. I believe that I am finding ways to become more comfortable in embracing, and sharing all aspects of life. My hope is that others will find the courage to express their true self more fully as well.

I am excited to see where this journey takes us. Enjoy!

I finished writing, opened up a browser to go to my website to post and Abraham’s Daily Message popped up (I have my home page set to this, so I don’t see negativity each time I get on the Internet)

“Let your dominant intent be to feel good which means be playful, have fun, laugh often, look for reasons to appreciate and practice the art of appreciation. And as you practice it, the Universe, who has been watching you practice, will give you constant opportunities to express it. So that your life just gets better and better and better.”

— Abraham
Excerpted from the workshop in Atlanta, GA on Saturday, September 13th, 1997

 

 

Love ~ Let it Surprise You

On this day of celebrating Love, I find myself reflecting and appreciating two of the biggest loves in my life ~ my adoring husband and my eldest daughter. Being reminded of how truly precious the love that we share with one another is, never to be taken for granted. Knowing that if we are simply open to the possibility, it may not always come in the package or in the way that we expect, but it will come.

I had just celebrated my 29th birthday and had a little cash so I decided to get a new tattoo. Having recently walked away from an abusive marriage with my two young children, I was in the process of reinventing myself. I went to the shop that was close to where I lived and where I had my naval pierced six months earlier. I decided upon a small zodiac symbol and was told that Fritz would do my tattoo. I thought to myself, that’s good, since he’s the artist I wanted, having pierced me before.

We had a wonderful conversation during my tattoo, which took much longer than I expected.  He assumed I was a Cancer, since that was the symbol he was tattooing on my lower back; I corrected him and told him I was an Aquarius. However, I was born in ’69 and it was one of my favorite numbers. This definitely got his attention.

There was a strong mutual attraction, but we both had our reservations. I was a single mom, going through a divorce and he was a tattoo artist. A tattoo artist!!! I had a lot of stereotypes surrounding my opinion of tattoo artists and at the time I was still concerned about what other people thought of me.

I didn’t seem to be taking into account the powerful experience I had the day that he pierced my naval. When he looked up at me to see if I was ready, I immediately felt “something” when I connected to his deep, blue eyes. After we left, I asked my friend if she thought he was cute. She said yes, but was surprised that I would find him attractive since he was bald and not my typical type. I couldn’t explain it, just something I felt. The very next day, my daughter, Brandilyn, and I were stopped at an intersection when I looked over to the right and saw Fritz on his motorcycle. I pointed him out and asked if she thought he was cute, being nine years old, she simply thought I was crazy.

It would take seven months, from being tattooed before we officially started dating. During that cautionary time, I got more tattoos, which are excellent pain therapy by the way. When you are suffering emotionally and mentally, the physical pain is unnoticeable, like it is somehow absorbed. On separate occasions, I brought my daughter and my out-of-town brother in to “meet” him. One night, after being tattooed, I was invited to attend a late night shop dinner with everyone. Afterward, he took me back to my car and our conversation continued for a while in the parking lot, before inviting him to my place. We talked until three in the morning, when he decided it was time to go home. He was a complete gentleman, which was refreshing, and somewhat disappointing, to me.

A few weeks later, my kids and me were moving to a new condo and my phone number was changing. I took this opportunity to inform Fritz of my new number, in case he wanted to reach me. We started dating two weeks later. Both of us had our reasons for being shy of a committed, long-term relationship. He was going to be my conquest, a fun story I would tell my grandchildren someday, about the crazy time Grandma dated a tattoo artist! Neither one of us expected to find “The One” in the other, but to our surprise, that is exactly what happened. We were married a year later.

We became engaged the day after the Columbine High School tragedy. The television coverage was quite extensive and one morning, while getting ready for work, Brandilyn noted the pictures of Harris and Klebold on TV and how average and normal they looked, similar to her abusive stepfather. That people will stare at Fritz and be concerned; yet he is so caring and gentle. That was how she learned that you could never judge a book by its cover.

Fritz became the father that Brandilyn never had, loving and accepting her as his own. Adopting her shortly after we were married for one year (the required time by law), she was 12 at the time. He helped her heal from her challenging childhood, not receiving the fatherly love she deserved. He encouraged her artistic talent, being an artist himself; today they work side-by-side tattooing at Alternative Arts Tattoo. They both have a great sense of humor that compliments one another, allowing them to engage in playful banter. Clients are not surprised when they discover they are father and daughter, but they may be surprised to learn they are not biologically so. I know now that he has always been her father; it just took them 10 years to meet!

Courage

It takes courage to follow your heart.

It takes courage to find things that bring you joy.

It takes courage to share your true feelings with others.

It takes courage to do something you have never done before.

It takes courage to complete your responsibilities.

It takes courage to say “yes”, and often times more to say “no”.

It takes courage to ask for help, and be willing to receive it.

It takes courage to share what you believe in.

It takes courage to follow your own guidance.

It takes courage to focus only on what you want.

It takes courage to do things differently.

It takes courage to risk disappointing someone you care about.

It takes courage to let go of judgments.

It takes courage to say goodbye to someone that doesn’t treat you well.

It takes courage to love someone.

It takes courage to be kind.

It takes courage to be you!

It’s not always easy being courageous, but when you are, you will see magic unfolding before your eyes.

 

“WTF!!! Is this really what it’s all about?”

Life can be hard, painful, full of one challenge after the other. It leaves you wondering ~ “WTF!!! Is this really what it’s all about? I came here so life can serve me up one indigestible pile of crap after another?”

For many years, I continuously felt victimized by the randomness of life. One of my favorite sayings at that time, something to sooth the pain was “That which does not kill you, makes you stronger!” I do not recommend adopting this motto in your life, unless if you want to experience stress, struggle and scarcity.

Abusive relationships, including an abusive marriage to a narcissist, girl friends that stabbed me in the back; always felt overworked, under appreciated and definitely underpaid; assholes that cut me off in traffic, poor customer service, overcharges, and on and on the cycle would go. Every time I turned around there was one more thing that was reminding me that I’m always getting screwed over.

One thing was for certain; it never felt good to be victimized and I had a very strong victim vibration activated. Pretty soon, I found myself reflecting on my life, searching for something more, knowing that there has to be higher purpose for our existence and I began to dip a toe or two into the spiritual abyss.

Beginning to consciously focus on the experiences I wanted in my life, I found that I was manifesting like crazy. However, my life experiences still included some of those unpleasant experiences and I didn’t understand why. After Dr. Wayne Dyer introduced me to the Teachings of Abraham-Hicks, learning that we are more non-physical than physical beings and that as energetic beings we are constantly offering a vibration. Law of attraction is always matching what we are currently vibrating, like tuning into a radio frequency and playing what is being broadcast. We have a predominant vibrational set point – mine was often set to Victim.

What is your predominant vibrational set point? What would you like it to be?

This newfound knowledge made a lot of sense to me and for the first time in my life, I was able to stop blaming others or situations for the victimization I felt and instead, honestly see my part. How life circumstances had caused me to have low self-esteem, a powerful sense of unworthiness, and a tremendous amount of guilt, aligning from one painful situation to the next.  Willing to take responsibility for my role actually caused me to feel quite empowered. This was completely refreshing and the opposite of what I had normally felt.

By connecting to my inner-being (soul, higher self, spirit), receiving guidance from my emotions, gaining clarity on what I want from knowing clearly what I don’t want, I began to make positive changes in my life and stopped being a victim. Does that mean that everything in my life always goes according to plan? No. But it does mean that the majority of the time, I feel good and I am experiencing really amazing things.

When I have a setback today, which usually occurs when I haven’t taken the time to care for myself, it’s an opportunity to get clear on what I would prefer instead. It’s simply information that there is something active in my vibration that I would prefer to let go. Being human, we are going to have times when we stumble and fall but don’t let that stop you from playing! It’s time to find an easier way to play the game.

1 4 5 6 7

Pin It on Pinterest